The Beard is Back!: 10 more questions with Eric Hendrixson

It's been a while but Eric Hendixson has joined the illustrious two-timers club.  He's been busy since his last visit.

What's been going on since Bucket of Face?
I wrote Giving the Finger for the Bizarro Starter Kit Red and Drunk Driving Champion, as well as another novel that is in editing stages right now. In the middle of that, I switched jobs and moved to Chicago, which has improved my pizza, pierogi, and hot dog situation but ruined my winter situation. I took Krav Maga classes, visited the House on the Rock, and read an obscene short story at the AWP in Minnesota. I've also been editing flash fiction for Bizarro Central.

What possessed you to write a drunken version of Cannonball Run or It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World?
What surprised me was that nobody else had already written this novel. When I came up with the idea, it had that sort of “of course” feel to it. I've always liked road trips and road trip stories, and this was a way of making a racing story more interesting.

My first experience with drunk driving was a cross-country trip. When I was eight or nine and my family was moving back to the United States, my father had to drop our van off at the Navy port at Rota, Spain. On the way back to the Air Force base at Torrejon, we drove the new chaplain's car, which had just been shipped in. He had an older car that had bench seats, and between me and my father, there was a huge ice chest. When I reached in for a soda, my father had forgotten to buy any. It was all beer. From Rota to Torrejon is a seven-hour drive. That's a lot of beer, but we made it home without creating an international incident. It was a very wholesome experience: a father and son taking a trip in the priest's car, only we were drinking beer all the way. At the time, this did not seem unusual. What really stood out in my mind about the trip was that the Navy base had a Baskin-Robbins. I'd never had someone ask me what flavor of ice cream I wanted before. It was amazing. When I got home, the story I told everyone was about ice cream, not beer. That trip might have something to with where the idea came from.

Ever have a GPS take you through unsavory areas?
I have an innate distrust of GPS units. I don't like their voices, and voice really matters to me, so I try not to rely on them. However, I once had to go to the Prince George's County jail in Maryland. I've never been good at navigating Maryland. The whole state seems upside-down and poorly thought out. This morning, I was covering for a coworker who'd called in sick, so I was already running late. I hate being late for things, so I was already nervous when my GPS took me to the corner of Marlboro Pike and Marlboro Pike. That's where the adventure began. The GPS had me turn off Marlboro Pike onto Marlboro Pike. This other Marlboro Pike was an older road, faded, broken, and wooded, but I figured the jail might be in the middle of nowhere, like prisons and nuclear power plants. The grass got really high, and the road kept getting worse. There were shacks and abandoned trailers by the side of the road. Faint banjo music played in the distance. It turns out that Marlboro Pike intersects with Marlboro Pike about five times, and the GPS had me going from the modern road to the old road pretty much at random. So I was trying to get to an unsavory place, but the unit kept leading me to the wrong unsavory places. When I finally made it to jail, I was late for the meeting and the guards didn't want to let me in. I was probably the only person in PG County that morning trying this hard to get into jail.

What did you drink for research purposes while writing Drunk Driving Champion?
I dedicated the book to Mothers Against Drunk Driving and Evan Williams, since the book would have been impossible without either of them.

Did you learn anything while writing Drunk Driving Champion?
I learned a few stylistic things. When you write a race story, it has to read fast, and I found ways to do that. It was all about distillation. I've visited a few breweries and distilleries, and the first stage of making whiskey is like making beer—bad beer but essentially beer. The distillation process is both the difference between good writing and bad writing and the difference between beer and whiskey. I found as I rewrote the story, it kept getting shorter even though I was adding more story. In the later stage of editing Drunk Driving Champion, I did a pass in which I added a new chapter and still finished with fewer words than I started with. I considered that a victory, since I had distilled more of the water out and produced a higher proof of story.

In the dedication of Drunk Driving Champion, you mentioned people not wanting you to write this book.  Care to elaborate?
I've worked a table at the Printer's Row festival for the past two years with some other Midwest bizarro writers. One of our favorite things is meeting new people who see the book covers, read the descriptions, and immediately get it. Those people were already bizarro fans. They just didn't know the genre existed yet. It's a great experience.

But our real favorite thing is seeing the people who look at our books and walk away clutching their pearls or holding their purses tighter. This year, we actually had a woman sneer at us in disgust. She looked like a cat that can't quite smell something. I got a little bit of that from people when I was writing the book. For the most part, those people weren't my audience anyway. This genre is not for everybody. It's oftentimes a love it or hate it situation.

Most bizarro fiction is pretty transgressive to begin with. In Bucket of Face, I have organ harvesting, a man having sex with a kiwi fruit, and a tomato cutting open a woman's chest so he can fist her ribcage and shoot her heart out from the inside. In Giving the Finger, I have a child whose body parts are used to repair a dike. However, a few people who were fine with that just noped out at the idea of drunk driving. It wouldn't really be bizarro if it was the kind of story everyone agrees on. Squeamishness is the basis of a lot of comedy. It's usually very specific, and we all have different things that can set us off. It's fun to see where different people draw the line.

Do you ever plan to revisit the world of Bucket of Face?
That story is grounded in the geography of the DC area, and a lot has changed since I lived there. If I ever moved back to DC, I might, but a lot of what I'm writing these days is based in Chicago. The two cities have very different personalities. I do plan on revisiting the bizarro noir style, but that story will take place in Chicago.

What is the best car movie of the 1970s and 80s?
I watched a lot of car movies while writing the novel. I started with the 1965 classic The Great Race, which has the patently absurd premise of an auto race from New York to Paris. You don't need a GPS to tell you the problem. This led to Wacky Racers cartoons, which took a lot from that movie.

My favorites of the 1970s were both made in 1971: the original Vanishing Point and Two Lane Blacktop, which may have inspired the actual Cannonball Runs. Back in the 70s, people just didn't care whether or not their movies made sense, and a lot goes unexplained. You finish watching the movies, and you're really not sure what just happened or what it meant. I borrowed a scene from Vanishing Point, where the Soviet sleeper agents, high on amphetamines, face a police roadblock made of bulldozers. Drunk Driving Champion was like the opposite of Two Lane Blacktop, a race away from DC instead of toward it. Of course, Deathrace 2000 was a huge influence.

Thanks to TV and movies from the 80s, I grew up thinking car chases would play a much larger role in my life than they have so far. Gumball Rally and Cannonball Run are very similar movies, but Cannonball Run has the edge. The Smokey and the Bandit movies have the problem of Burt Reynolds. The guy is too charming, so it comes off as a romantic comedy instead of a car movie.

I would give honorable mentions to Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang, Mad Max, Christine, and Deathproof, but they're off topic.

What are you reading these days?
In the month, I've been reading a lot of Jim Thomson, an anthology called Chicago Noir, another edited by Chuck Palahniuk called Burning Tongues, Punkland, a comic book series called C.O.W.L., Texas Chainsaw Mantis, and an anthology of 20th Century noir. I also like to browse the Chicago Municipal Code when I don't have a book with me. Laws, what they tell you not to do, tell you a lot about society. For example, it's illegal in this city to dye birds artificial colors and give them away as gifts or prizes. That tells us that at one time, this was a big enough problem in Chicago that some legislator said, “I've had it with all the pink ducks in this city.” I like to think that, at one time, there were hordes of men guy wandering through Chicago distributing colorized waterfowl and shouting, “You win a duck, you win a duck, and you win a duck!”

What's are you writing next?
I want to go back to the bizarro noir style for for a detective story set in the South Side. I've also started a fairy tale set in Appalachia. Right now, though, I'm editing my first Chicago novel, which will either be called Precious Blood of the Lamb or All Our Future Thursdays. It's about the meatpacking industry, Last Thursdayism, tacos, and sheeple—not metaphorical sheep/people but people who turn into sheep and go on a rampage.

Do Not Avoid! 13 Questions with J.W. Wargo

Today's guest is J.W. Wargo, author of Avoiding Mortimer.


How did you get involved in the Bizarro movement? 
Happenstance, really. I've been writing stories since I learned how to read and write. I moved to Portland, Oregon after dropping out of college and kept writing, but not too many people were into the weirdness I was creating. While searching the Portland library for absurd literature, I came across a Carlton Mellick III book, Fishy-Fleshed, and started reading it. I was hooked instantly and began gobbling up as much Bizarro as I could get my hands on. When I realized that the majority of the writers and publishers were based in Portland, I started communicating with them online and eventually met Mellick at a reading. I attended the Bizarro Convention that year and have been a part of the community since.

What's the inspiration behind Avoiding Mortimer?
The idea for the book first came to me in the summer of 2010 while I was hitchhiking Europe. The previous year I had been in an accident involving my overly-intoxicated face coming into close contact with the floor of an NYC bar bathroom, leaving a bloody gash across my eyebrow. I received medical treatment at NY Presbyterian, and as soon as they discovered I had no insurance, no money, no job, and no home, they had me fill out paperwork to apply for emergency medicaid and I was rejected because Social Security had told them, "According to our records Joseph Wargo is deceased". I had to go through a bunch of redtape with the government to get that one fixed. Dead as I was, I still applied for and got a passport and left the country. They eventually fixed the clerical error, or so I assume. And that was where it started: "What if a guy dies due to a processing error in the afterlife?"

How much of you is there in Mortimer?
Mortimer's personality was partly based on previous social anxieties I had. Besides us both having inquisitive natures, not much else about us is similar. While Mortimer goes to great lengths to avoid things, I pushed myself to face the world with an unusual approach to it. In 2009 I became permanently semi-nomadic and wandering storyteller. I chose hitchhiking as my main method of travel, and it forced me to interact with a wide variety of people from all over. I got past any public speaking fears by reciting my short fiction and poetry on street corners for change. I made enough money to survive and I've always kept moving. 4 years later I've gone from Portland to NYC to Florida to California to Europe to Albuquerque to Canada to Hawaii to Mexico and back to Hawaii. All points I've hit in between adds up to over 75,000 miles traveled and so many experiences I could never write them all.

Are there any crazy books about the afterlife that you would recommend?
Punk Land by Carlton Mellick III and Suicide Girls in the Afterlife by Gina Ranalli. Good Omens by collaborators Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman, while not exactly a book about the afterlife, is a great one, too. Also, not a book but I have described Avoiding Mortimer as being "like the film Wristcutters: A Love Story without the love story".

Every watch Pushing Daisies?  Jim Dale's voice was in my head while I was reading Avoiding Mortimer.
I have not. After reading a bit about it though, I am quite intrigued by the premise. I shall have to hunt this down for later viewing.

What is your favorite B-movie?
1954's Them! The first big bug movie and probably one of the catalysts for my childhood obsession with ants. I was very happy to be able to include ants as an important plot point in Avoiding Mortimer. I suspect I endeavor to sneak ants into subsequent books,

Was there a book that made you realize you wanted to be a writer? 
Though I had started writing stories at age six, I didn't start thinking about writing as anything more than a fun hobby until I was fourteen and watched the film Memento by Christopher Nolan. I watched the movie several times and then found the screenplay online and read it. I thought that this is exactly what I want to do. Write stories as good as this one. I later took screenwriting classes to learn the craft, and the knowledge gained I applied to fiction writing and have since been working to better my skills and create a style wholly my own.

Who would you say your influences are? 
As a kid, I was heavily influenced by the satire of Douglas Adams, the philosophy of Bill Watterson, the outlandishness of Shel Silverstein, the technical language of Michael Crichton, and the imaginative worlds created inside Choose Your Own Adventure Books. More recently, I've studied Nietzsche, Jung, and theoretical physics, but possible the most influential person I've ever read has been Robert Anton Wilson. Both his fiction and nonfiction have taught me more effective forms of communication and helped me see the world in so many new and exciting ways.

What's your favorite book? 
During my travels I have always carried a copy of the aforementioned Wilson's book, Prometheus Rising, with me. It attempts to explain consciousness, the brain, and how we communicate and interpret information using an amalgamation Every time I open it up and read a little bit of it I always gain something different from it.

Who's your favorite author? 
Kevin L. Donihe

What's the best book you've read in the last six months? 
A very difficult question. I have read three in the past six months that were all quite excellent reads. Of Thimble and Threat by Alan Clark, We Live Inside You by Jeremy Robert Johnson, and The Deadheart Shelters by Brandon Armstrong.
 I am currently reading Fuckness by Andersen Prunty and it has surprised me thus far. I'm only halfway through it and I already  want to write the film adaptation for this book.

Any words of wisdom for aspiring writers?
Whatever you write, when you feel it is the best that you can write it, take it and read it aloud, whether to yourself or to someone else. When you hear the words coming out of your mouth, rather than from within your head, they will change and you will see how you can make it even better.

What's next for J.W. Wargo? 
I'm currently doing a series of travelogues over at Imperial Youth Review about some of the more interesting experiences I've had on the road. You can follow my exploits with this handy link: http://imperialyouthreview.wordpress.com/tag/jwwargo/
I also started a monthly series on Bizarro Central highlighted strange music and musicians. Working on a few short stories for magazine publication, and plan to write my next book later this year. As for travels, look for me doing some more storytelling on the streets of Japan and Australia next year!

Avoiding Mortimer

Avoiding Mortimer by J.W. Wargo
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Mortimer, a man who's been avoiding life his entire... life, rejects undeath and runs away from home. When his life consisting of working at the aglet factory and playing with his ant farm proves to be too much, he kills himself, only to find the afterlife isn't all it has been cracked up to be. Can he avoid an eternity of servitude as he avoided everything else in his life?

First off, it's Mortimer that's doing the Avoiding. We are not meant to Avoid him.

In this entry in the New Bizarro Author series, J.W. Wargo tackles a familiar subject, the afterlife, and turns it on its ear in a way I've pondered more than once. Considering the afterlife is going to be populated by the same jackholes we deal with every day, why would it in any way resemble paradise?

Mortimer is an Arthur Dent-style protagonist, taken to the nth degree. His life consists of avoiding pretty much everything. He goes to work, comes home, and goes to bed. He has seven identical suits and does everything he can to avoid being noticed. Death almost seems like a mercy at first.

Wargo's afterlife is one of servitude if your life's worth is low or lounging if one's life worth is high. Mortimer soon rejects his new job at the earlobe factory and meets other avoiders, these intent on avoiding participating in the afterlife. Mortimer proves himself to be the avoidingest avoider that ever avoided and saves the day. Oh, and god is a hobo. And there's a character called Ant Blob. And some sentient dreadlocks. All of that is true but it's a Bizarro book so I can pretty much say anything and you'd believe it.

Any complaints? Not a one. This is my favorite book in the 2012-2013 New Bizarro Author series so far.

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Shatnerquest

Shatnerquest by Jeff Burk
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

When another reality bleeds into our own at a comic book convention and armageddon is on the horizon, three geeks (and their cat Squishy) do the only sensible thing they can think of: Steal a dead man's DeLorean and go on a road trip to rescue William Shatner!

First off, I was initially dismayed that this has little to do with Shatnerquake. However, I buckled up and stuck around for the ride, and what a Shatty ride it was.

Shatnerquest is a bizarre road trip, a story of the impending apocalypse, unrequited love, and a smorgasbord of homages to geekdom: Star Trek, Road Warrior, and many other staples of geekery are represented. Seriously, where else can you read about a biker gang led by a wannabe Klingon, a cannibal Captain Kirk cult, and a Dalek gas station attendant? Not to mention Shatzilla's bloody rampage...

The final battle delivered the goods and made me with Shatnerquest was a movie or TV show.

While I didn't like this one quite as much as Shatnerquake, Jeff Burk's writing has come a long way since his debut. It's a great way to spend an afternoon.



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Trailer Parks and Superspies - An Interview with David Barbee

Today's guest is David Barbee, author of Carnageland, A Town Called Suckhole, and Thunderpussy.

How did you get involved in the Bizarro movement? 
I was self-publishing when the call came out for the first New Bizarro Author Series, a tryout for Eraserhead Press to find writers who wanted to specialize in bizarro. I already wanted to specialize in bizarro, and I wanted to work with Eraserhead just as badly. So I left my self-publishing endeavors behind to start fresh with them. My NBAS book, Carnageland, did pretty well and thus I was indoctrinated into the scene. The author world can be volatile and scary, but the bizarro crew is a really tight-knit family. They are friendly and ambitious in all the right ways.

What was the inspiration for A Town Called Suckhole? 

I've always loved cyberpunk, and I've wanted to write a sci-fi cop story like Blade Runner since I was a little kid. I had such a story in my head for years until I realized that the idea would be cooler and more unique with a big conceptual twist. So I started reworking the idea to be both a cyber-detective story while also twisting it into a Southern noir. Those two elements came together really well, and created a world that's extremely weird and deceptively simple. The title, A Town Called Suckhole, came to me while driving home from work one night. It was one of the easiest books for me to write, because the voices and references on display can usually be found right outside my front door.

Who is your favorite redneck comedian? 

Redd Foxx, who isn't a redneck at all. But he was way funnier than Jeff Foxworthy or any of his ilk could hope to be. The redneck comedy boom was strange. People who enjoy it are free to do so, that's fine. But since I grew up around this stuff, to me it always comes off as jingoistic. And not even in a subversive way. It's these millionaires cracking jokes to (mostly) ignorant rednecks about a lifestyle that, in the twenty-first century, is a total fucking sham. So yeah, Redd Foxx.

What is your favorite Southern dish and have you ever eaten road kill? 

I haven't had the pleasure of eating roadkill yet. I hear that possum is the worst tasting meat known to man, though. On southern cuisine I actually eat, I'll just say that the soul food my wife cooks is delicious as hell. She can make a country meal that tastes wonderful and isn't trying to actively murder you with cholesterol.

What was the inspiration for Thunderpussy? 

Absolutely none, which feels like I'm saying the book is uninspired (it isn't). I just mean that I had no plan to write a spy novel. I was pitching a ton of things to Carlton Mellick III, and one of them was called "Quantum Crashers of Thunderpussy." He didn't like the pitch, but said that Thunderpussy would make a good title for a bizarro spy book. I've found that that's how a lot of creative endeavors start. Someone says something as a joke, and then boom, it's real.

What is your favorite spy movie? 

I wrote Thunderpussy as one of those jet-setting action stories full of high stakes, but the spy movies I enjoy best are the more realistic ones, like "Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy." I love nothing more than to watch a movie with a ton of British actors basically talking to one another the whole time.

Do A Town Called Suckhole and Thunderpussy occur at different points of the same timeline?

That's a damned good question. I'd say it's possible. Thunderpussy takes place in a strange future with settings all over the world. Suckhole is set much further along in time and in a singular place. The townsfolk of Suckhole have their own ideas of history, but those ideas are ill-informed and mostly wrong. Thunderpussy exists somewhere between that future apocalypse and the weird Civil War that Suckhole remembers. So it's possible, but just barely. If I think too hard on it, I'll probably become obsessed with all of my stories existing in the same shared world... which would drive me insane with the quickness.

Was there a book that made you realize you wanted to be a writer? 

Not really. When I was a boy, I wanted to be a comic book artist. Then I realized that I wasn't as good at drawing as I thought, so then I wanted to be a comic book writer. That evolved into just being a writer of prose, which I could do on my own. It seems to be panning out okay. I've always wanted to be creative, but there wasn't just one thing that made it so.

Who would you say your influences are? 

A lot of things. My earliest influences were movies and comic books. I'm one of those 80's kids that grew up on Star Wars, Thundercats, and X-Men. Even video games influence me, at least the ones from back when I used to play. I make an effort to draw inspiration from as many things as possible, because that's what make the imagination fertile. I read as many other books as I can, too. That's the cornerstone for any author, and I believe you have to seek variety there as well. I read hardcore horror books, scifi/fantasy, bizarro, and try to sprinkle some true literary novels in there as well.

What's your favorite book? 

This answer would probably change depending on when you ask me, but for right now, I'll stick with "Whipping Boy" by Sid Fleischman. I got a copy of it at an old book sale last year and it was one of my absolute favorite stories as a child. Children's literature operates with a sense of simplicity while also talking about serious things, which is what I try to do with my own writing.

Who's your favorite author? 

Once again, there are a lot of right answers to this, but today I'll say Alan Moore. It doesn't matter what medium you're working in, you can make room for big ideas. Whether it's superheroes, horror, or even pornography, Alan Moore's stories always work for me because he's using big ideas to tell them, bigger ideas than anyone else would even dare to use.

What's the best book you've read in the last six months? 

I just finished "All Monster Action!" by Cody Goodfellow. It's a Grindhouse-like collection of stories leading up to a "feature attraction" novella, and it's just brilliant. Cody's a madman who takes already-insane concepts and pushes further than you or I would think to. And doing that, making it work seamlessly in a story or stories, takes a mixture of brains and balls that only he has. If anyone enjoys ridiculous sci-fi, high concept horror, or just big monsters smashing one another, then they should definitely read this book. It's a bizarro masterpiece.

Any words of wisdom for aspiring writers? --The author's life is that of a lone samurai dependent on his sword. Only your sword is a word processor, yet you still might get your head chopped off. Treat it as work. Hard yet honorable work. And don't expect fame, riches, or groupies belonging to your preferred gender. If you're meant to be a writer, then none of this will bother you.

What's next for David Barbee? 

I just turned in a novella for my entry into the Bizarro Starter Kit. I'm hoping that it will also be collected with two other novellas that I'm working on, and they can be released together sometime. I'm also working on a story called "Shotgun Sodapop" for the Magazine of Bizarro Fiction, and I'm promoting the hell out of Thunderpussy. Whosoever is reading this interview, I implore you to buy my book. Reading is fundamental, but reading Thunderpussy is just plain fun.

Thunderpussy

Thunderpussy by David W. Barbee
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

When a sumo crime boss named Oberon Tubbs begins buying up a Jamaican powder called Z8, Agent 00X is assigned to uncover the reason why. Can he keep his giant sized manhood in check long enough to do it?

In A Town Called Suckhole, David Barbee satirized redneck culture. This time, James Bond is his target.
Oberon's nefarious scheme is something out of a James Bond movie if James Bond movies featured cyberpunky stuff and zombies. Agent 00X is like James Bond times ten, especially when it comes to the ladies, with the added bonus of having one of the word's greatest mustaches.

Just as in A Town Called Suckhole, the hilarious bits come at you straight out of the gate. Dr. Strangelove robots? Kung fu Rastas? Petite LaVulva? Psyche Delia? Here's one of my favorite quotes from the book:
00X had to follow, but he could only choose one—the
Z8 powder or the mystery woman.
He chose the one he could have sex with.

Tubb's scheme was both an homage to every Bond villain's scheme and a topper to all of them. Thunderpussy should appeal to fans of James Bond, Archer, Austin Powers, and people who are generally predisposed toward reading crazy hilarious books.

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A Town Called Suckhole

A Town Called Suckhole by David W. Barbee
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

When a killer has the men of th epost-apocalyptic redneck town of Suckhole living in fear of being murdered and having their genitals severed, Sheriff Billy Jack Bledskoe and his son, Deputy Jesco, turn to mutant Dexter Spikes for help. Will Spikes find the killer or will the three men (or two men and one mutant) wind up penisless and past tense?

In this outing, David Barbee explores the idea of a nuclear apocalypse where only the rednecks survive and thrive in the aftermath. And it's hilarious! The redneck lever is pulled all the way down and duct-taped into place in this book.

Barbee lovingly skewers the redneck culture, taking it to an extreme but still logical level. Where else can you read about worshipers of St. Hank and Jeezus, people with three first names living in double decker trailers, and a monster constructed from deceased Daughters of the Confederacy called Sluttenstein? Not very many, unless you're from the godless arctic hellhole called Ohayo...

The story is a mystery that takes Jesco and Dexter all around Suckhole and the general vicinity. While I didn't find it to be much of a mystery, it was quite an entertaining, especially after a certain character was unexpectedly killed. If I cut and pasted all the funny bits I want to mention, I'd quickly run out of space. Klu Klux Commandos, a one gallon soda called the Thurst Fucker, collard-wrapped hog pecker deep fired in peanut oil, an artificially intelligent moonshine still, the list goes on and on.

The characters are an interesting bunch. Jesco, the deputy struggling to fill his father's shoes, Dexter Spike, the mutant who longs for acceptance, and Mayor Crockwallop, who reminds me of the mayor in Jaws.
A Town Called Suckhole will appeal to fans of redneckery in general, as well as fans of Joe Lansdale's brand of humor. It's a fun way to spend a few hours.

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STC in the House!: An interview with Shane T. Cartledge

Today's guest is Shane T. Cartledge, author of House Hunter.


How did you get involved in the Bizarro movement? 
Anyone who's a part of the Bizarro community will know how supportive these guys are. They genuinely want to reach out to new fans and new writers. I was a bit of both. I read a few Bizarro books, mentioned them a bit on facebook. I put book covers up as my profile pictures to show people what I was reading. I started getting friend requests from people like Carlton Mellick and Jordan Krall. From there, I read more, got into writing weirder stuff and read up about the New Bizarro Author Series on the Eraserhead Press website. And the more I read, the more I wanted to get in touch with authors. Part of me knew it was a business thing, getting to know people in the industry, but mostly, I've just enjoyed getting to know some fantastic people and read some entertaining books. It started around November/December 2010, I think, but it wasn't until November 2012 at BizarroCon that I got to meet a lot of these people face-to-face for the first time.

Tell us about House Hunter. 
It's an epic action/adventure fantasy that's got all the action and none of the long-winding nonsense of epic action/adventure fantasies. It's about a world where houses are living creatures that grow up in the wild and are domesticated by house hunters before they settle down in towns and cities. It's about a young woman who is struggling to make ends meet while the world around her crumbles. It's about house fights and legendary castles and epic battles. It's about being fun and crazy and weird and entertaining.

I had a Labyrinth vibe while reading House Hunter.  Are you a fan of that awesome movie starring David Bowie and Jennifer Connelly? 
As much as I would love to say yes, I can't. As much as I'd love to be a film buff, I'm not. I would be the worst film buff ever. I love movies, but I just haven't seen any of the films that I should have. Labyrinth was a little before my time, so I can't recall ever watching it. Maybe as a really young child, but I can't remember. I'm a fan of David Bowie, and I'm a fan of labyrinths, yet somehow I haven't seen the two intersect. I'm a fan of Pan's Labyrinth, though.

I already know about this since I was also in the contest but tell us about Thorquake. 
Thorquake was a short story I wrote for a Bizarro fanfiction competition. It was based around James Steele's "Felix and the Sacred Thor". The story was set in a hypothetical real world where the Bizarro scene was massive and BizarroCon was roughly the equivalent to something like ComiCon. It blended James' story with Jeff Burk's pop-culture novel "Shatnerquake", and just went nuts. It was a lot of fun to write, considering I was working with fictional characters and fictionalised versions of real people I'd never met. I treated it like a fanfiction send-up, and it worked out great. The year after, I wrote another Bizarro fanfiction for Spike Marlowe's "Placenta of Love". That one was called Plaception, and it was set in her theme park world and took her characters on an Inception-themed ride. Now that I've got my own Bizarro book out, I'd like to run my own fanfiction competition at some point during the year.

Was there a book that made you realize you wanted to be a writer? 
I would probably have to say the H.P. Lovecraft short, "The Call of Cthulhu". I was reading some of his work in my last year of high school, and in my gap year I started writing to pass the time. The stuff I wrote back then were pulpy gothic horror stories that tried to imitate his style. So that would have to be my most obvious influence. I'm not sure if there was anything before that that may have got me thinking about writing. I read Fight Club a couple of years later, when I was studying creative writing at uni, and that had a massive impact on my writing too. I guess that book would have had more of an influence in a professional "maybe I could do this as a career" sort of way.

Who would you say your influences are?
Neil Gaiman as an author (although I've only read American Gods), and as a public personality. I like the way he approaches folklore and fantasy from a gritty, modernised perspective. Cameron Pierce, for being fantastically strange. D. Harlan Wilson, for fucking with the rules. Carlton Mellick has influenced me a lot lately, for his limitless creativity. I'm also a bit of a manga/anime fan. Tsutomu Nihei is a big influence there, for his grand designs and fantastically sublime worlds that are exposed through his sprawling, chaotic storytelling. It's vast, sparse, and lightning fast. Hayao Miyazaki, for his beautiful films, but also for his apocalyptic manga, Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind. I could go on...

Superman or Batman? 
Duh, Batman. Superman is boring. Super strong, super fast, AND he has a chiselled chin? I like my superheroes to have flaws.

What's your favorite book?
Just one? I'd have to go with American Gods.

Who's your favorite author?
That's a tough one. It's likely to change depending on what I'm feeling at any one point in time. I'll go with Cameron Pierce for now.

What's the best book you've read in the last six months?
I'd probably have to call it a tie between Shane Jones' "Light Boxes" and Forrest Armstrong's "The Deadheart Shelters".

Any words of wisdom for aspiring writers?
Practice helps you to improve, so a lot of people say to just write. Write as much as you can. I'd like to add to that, you need to get your writing out there, too. Feedback helps you evaluate just how far you've improved. I started off posting stories on forums and getting feedback that way, before I started sending my writing elsewhere, doing workshops, that sort of thing. Criticism is a most valuable asset. Sometimes you need to hear things out loud what you kind of knew all along. And, of course, it helps to know how to take criticism. You don't reject it because people fail to see your perspective, nor do you blindly swallow what others have to say. Weigh up their arguments. If they say something's wrong, that means something's probably wrong. They may be wrong when they point out where the problem is, but that part is for you to figure out. Know your stories and know your audience. And it doesn't hurt to give a little feedback in return. But if all else fails, just relax and write for the fun of it.

What's next for Shane Cartledge? 
This year is all about House Hunter. I'm trying to prove my worth to the publisher with this book, so I'm trying to put my book out there and reach markets outside the usual Bizarro audience. I'm also hoping to pump out short stories throughout the year, while I figure out what I'll be doing for my next book. I've got a lot of ideas kicking around as to what that book might be, and I've had a few people hassling me over one novel idea they want me to work on (which is nice, in a way, to have people wanting me to write more). I'm working on a short story at the moment that I think the Bizarro crowd will love. It's about a murder investigation that takes place in a prison in a surreal utopian society.

House Hunter

House Hunter by S.T. Cartledge
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

In a world of sentient houses, Imogen is a house hunter. When dark forces seek the mythical Jabberhouse for their own nefarious purposes, Imogen must sacrifice everything she holds dear to stop them...

Another year, another round of the New Bizarro Author Series. As with past NBAS books, you never know what you're going to get.

House Hunter is a bizarro adventure tale, more akin to fantasy quest stories than most bizarro tales. It reminded me more of the 1980's classic movie The Labyrinth more than anything else, with hints of China Mieville's Un Lun Dun.

The world STC creates is delightfully strange. Sentient houses walking around and battling one another isn't something you come across every day, especially houses with nipples on their walls. The pygmy houses were by far my favorite of the creatures he created. The story follows a fairly standard quest structure, complete with Imogen suffering some crippling setbacks before rising to the occasion and saving the day.

I do have a few gripes, though. Imogen wasn't overly interesting as a lead character. Also, there were a few occasions where I felt like I was missing something or turned over two pages at once. Other than that, the only other gripe I have is that "cannon" was misspelled "canon" on quite a few occasions. Other than that, it was a fun weird romp and a good way to spend a lunch hour.


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Clockwork Girl

Clockwork Girl by Athena Villaverde

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


Caterpillar Girl: A caterpillar girl named Cat is secretly in love with her best friend, a spider girl named Lilith. With their relationship survive her eventual metamorphosis?

As I've said in other reviews, risking my man-card in the process, my favorite bizarro stories are usually the love stories. This is one of the best bizarro love stories I've yet read. It struck a chord with this reader. Who hasn't been in love with someone but unable to even talk to them? The ending was surprising but has an eery beauty to it.

Clockwork Girl:
The Clockwork Girl tells the story of a toy clockwork girl named Pichi who first falls in love with her owner and then is discarded when her owner gets too old. That's about all I can say of the plot without giving too much away.

The Clockwork Girl is like something Peter S. Beagle might write if he was into Bizarro fiction. Pichi's innocence made the story for me. It would make a great Pixar movie if they'd let Tim Burton anywhere near the building.

Beehive Girl:
When you dance the tango with the Beehive Girl, you're dancing with death!

Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration. The Beehive Girl is a tale of the tango scene, where Maya, the beehive girl, is queen. If she chooses you as her partner, she's as sweet as honey until you screw up. Then you get stung.

Even though the title is Beehive Girl and the plot seemed to be leading in that direction, I wasn't sure the main character was going to end up dancing with Maya. The ending, much like the ending of Catepillar Girl, wasn't quite what I expected but was quite good none the less. Much like P.G. Wodehouse did with gold in The Clicking of Cuthbert, Athena Villaverde has made me care about the tango in Beehive Girl.

This is an easy four star collection from Athena Villaverde. Much like Starfish Girl, it's Bizarro fiction under a veneer of cuteness.






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13 Questions with S.D. Foster

And we're back.  That break was much longer than I thought.  Today's guest is S.D. Foster, author of A Hollow Cube is a Lonely Space.

How did you get involved in the Bizarro movement?

My introduction to Bizarro was a few years ago via the chance discovery of The Overwhelming Urge by Andersen Prunty and The Kafka Effekt by D. Harlan Wilson. In 2010, I (unsuccessfully) submitted a longer version of A Hollow Cube is a Lonely Space to the excellent Ohio-based small press, Atlatl, which has published fiction by both Wilson and Prunty. Then, in August 2011, I sent a shorter version to Eraserhead’s New Bizarro Author Series editor, Kevin L. Donihe, which marked the beginning of my involvement in the movement. It’s all been very sudden, and it still feels odd to be in regular contact with people who, it turns out, are not just names on book spines.

Tell us about A Hollow Cube is a Lonely Space.

I would describe it as a collection of mini-bizarro-biographies, conventionally structured narratives (exposition, rising action, climax, falling action, resolution) about unconventional, often tragicomic characters: a passionate girl made of wood, a stoic teddy bear, a socially inept snowman, etc. These characters are very important to me. I’m interested in their histories, I’m sympathetic to their struggles, I’m appalled by their vices—and I hope that readers will be, too.

Is there one story you've written that you'd say is your favorite?

Not really. Several of the stories deal with my favorite theme, frustrated ambition.

Was there a book that made you realize you wanted to be a writer?

I’ve wanted to be a writer since I was a child, but don’t remember being inspired by any one book. As an adult, Raymond Carver’s short story collection, What We Talk About When We Talk About Love, was revelatory. This may seem strange, given that Carver was a dirty realist; but his style was one I believed I could aspire to. I consider myself a dirty irrealist.

What made you decide to go with a collection of short stories rather than a novella for the New Bizarro Author Series?

A Hollow Cube is a Lonely Space wasn’t written with the NBAS specifically in mind. I write short stories because that’s what I most love to read, and because the form is well-suited to my prose. I agonize over every word, have nightmares about sentence construction.

Who would you say your influences are?

The living: Russell Edson, James Tate, D. Harlan Wilson, Lemony Snicket. The dead: Daniil Kharms, Flann O’Brien, Frank L. Baum. The decayed: Hans Christian Andersen, the Brothers Grimm, Aesop. And, like most Bizarros, I have a taste for and am influenced by cult horror and exploitation movies. This list is by no means exhaustive, though.

King Kong or Godzilla?

In solidarity with my fellow primate, I vote Kong. I have a Kong-themed story appearing soon in Garrett Cook’s ezine, Nuckelavee.

What's your favorite book?

For nostalgic reasons, probably something from childhood, like Alice Through the Looking Glass or In the Night Kitchen.

Who's your favorite author?

Narrowing it down to one is impossible. My influences are my favorites.

What's your favorite short story?

Again, it’s impossible to narrow down. A few that spring immediately to mind are Daniil Kharms’ “The Old Woman,” Roald Dahl’s “Pig,” Richard Matheson’s “Blood Son,” Spencer Holst’s “The Zebra Storyteller,” and Edward Lear’s “The Story of the Four Little Children Who Went Round the World.”

What's the best book you've read in the last six months?

The best prose I’ve read is Kevin L. Donihe’s zombie parody, Night of the Assholes. It includes more uses of the word “asshole” than the subtitles to Korean war-horror movie R-Point. The best poetry is Luke Kennard’s The Migraine Hotel, which is, like all my favorite books, equally profound and ridiculous.

Any words of wisdom for aspiring writers?

Sleep deprivation, depression and Dr. Pepper are invaluable creative aids. Yes, it’s true, the first draft is awful; so is the second; the third is hardly an improvement; and so on. Find the right publisher. And once published, the work has only just begun.

What's next for S.D. Foster?

At the moment I’m so busy promoting A Hollow Cube is a Lonely Space that I can’t imagine ever writing again! But when I do, more of the same, only longer—a collection of around fifty stories, each featuring a memorable character with an alliterative name, is my aim. I wouldn’t rule out something longer, though…

A Hollow Cube is a Lonely Space

A Hollow Cube is a Lonely Space by S. D. Foster

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


A Hollow Cube is a Lonely Space is a collection of Bizarro short stories by S.D. Foster.

A book of short stories, especially those written by a new author, is always a dicey proposition. Fortunately, S.D. Foster has a good grasp of the form. The stories within range from just a page to eight pages.

The 24 stories within cover quite a bit of ground. Some are a funny, some sad, and some thought provoking. All are more than a little strange. Standouts for me include Slothra, the story of an aging giant monster, Snowman, the tale of a man accidentally befriending an obnoxious snowman and waiting for winter to end, and The Course of Clementine, the story of a fruit's life.

Even though their writing styles are different, A Hollow Cube is a Lonely Space reminded me of Bradley Sands' collection, Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy. I'd like to see what S.D. Foster can do in a novel length tale, though.



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Lepers and Mannequins

Lepers and Mannequins by Eric Beeny

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


The mannequins and the lepers are at war. It's too bad Quall, a leper, has fallen in love with Jaundice, a mannequin. Can their love conquer all or will they be destroyed?

Yeah, I may be risking my man card on this but my favorite bizarro stories seem to be the love stories. This one is a bizarro retelling of Romeo and Juliet. Only Romeo is a leper and Juliet is a mannequin.

Eric Beeny's writing is quite good, very good, in fact, considering this is his first novel. The story flowed very naturally and without any of those telltale first novel jitters.

Honestly, there isn't a lot more to tell. This is Capulets vs. Montagues all over again. You know, except for pieces falling off of the main characters. Well worth a couple hours reading.



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Please Do Not Shoot Me in the Face

Please Do Not Shoot Me in the Face: a Novel by Bradley Sands

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


Please Do Not Shoot Me in the Face is a collection of three novellas. Or is it a novel? That's what Bradley Sands has hired 7 year old detective Frankie Nougat to find out. As Nougat investigates the three stories within, will he find the theme of Please Do Not Shoot Me in the Face or die in the attempt?

Frankie Nougat and the Case of the Missing Heart: Frankie Nougat attempts to solve the case of why his parents are getting divorced. Grim hilarity ensues...

Yeah, Frankie Nougat goes through some emotional turmoil while trying to find out why his parents are getting divorced. Memorable moments including using his dog for a gun and meeting his mom's new chair, a man named Bill.

Cheesequake Smash-Up: In a battle for fast food dominance, McDonalds, Burger King, White Castle, and scores of other chains enter a building demolition derby. Gunning for a promotion, office worker Monty Catsin enters his employer, NGA, into the derby as well. Who will emerge as the sole provider of fast food in America?

Cheesequake Smashup is mother-whoopieing hilarious. Combine an absurd office, complete with an octogenerian sexpot, a giant goldfish, a gorilla, and lots of mobile buildings smashing into one another, and a heaping helping of absurd humor and you've got a winner on your hands. I'd say Cheesquake Smashup was worth the price of admission on its own.

Apocalypse Ninja: The worst ninja in the world tries to bring about the end of the world. Standing in his way are the worst pirates in the world.

The final tale in this collection (or the final section of this novel?) was by far the most enjoyable. The grins per page rating was very high and there was a lot of action. Also, there was a song that I couldn't help but hum along with to the tune of You're the Best from The Karate Kid.

So, is Please Do Not Shoot Me in the Face a novel or a collection of novellas? Who cares? If the epilogue is any indication, it's going to be bigger than The Bible one day!



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Seven Seagulls for a Single Nipple

Seven Seagulls for a Single Nipple by Troy Chambers

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


A nipple named Wilmorn falls in love with a woman and bargains with the Seagull gods for a chance to win her. Only she's a nun. And a lesbian. And he has to kill her true love to win a soul so he can have a life with her. Man, things are rough for nipples these days...

First off, this is the weirdest book in the 2011-2012 New Bizarro Author Series so far. It's also the best story featuring a talking nipple I've ever read.

This is one of those books I can hardly think of a way to describe beyond the summary. Like I mentioned, Wilmorn is a talking nipple that makes a pact with the Seagull Gods. His naivete is actually a little charming and nicely balanced by Stalin, the baby-faced lobster demon who was a serial rapist in a previous life. Yes, you read that right. No, I did not make that up.

It takes quite a bit for a book to make me shake my head in disbelief but I caught myself doing just that several times during this books slim 60 pages. Most of those were because of Stalin's actions. The ending was a bit of surprise.

Troy Chambers is a madman and I'll give him another shot sometime down the road. That's all I have. I don't really know what else I can say about this.



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Trashland A Go-Go

Trashland A Go-Go by Constance Ann Fitzgerald

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


After a pole dance goes horribly wrong, Coco Darling is tossed into the garbage and wakes up in a land of garbage. Can she find her way home without running afoul of Queen?

Yeah, I may have unearthed the gem of the 2011-2012 New Bizarro Author series.

If the Wizard of Oz starred a stripper and took place in a land of garbage, it would be very much like Trashland A Go-Go. Coco is a strong leading lady, not waiting for some guy to come along and save her. She's also tough as hell. Could you dig your way out of a room that has walls made of dirty diapers? Yeah, me either.

Coco's journey is full of funny moments as well as disgusting ones. Imagine a woman walking across a trash-filled landscape wearing an ugly bridesmaid dress and interacting with her talking fly sidekick. The villains are vile, the trash world is utilized to its full potential, and there are parts of the book that will make you want to laugh or puke, or both at the same time. That's pretty much all I can say without giving away too much.

Trashland A Go-Go is one of those first books that you're astonished is someone's first book. The writing is polished, the pace is great, and there aren't any missteps. It's also pretty accessible for a Bizarro book. If you're looking to give the Bizarro genre a shot, you can do a hell of a lot worse than Trashland A Go-Go.








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Cthulhu Comes to the Vampire Kingdom

Cthulhu Comes to the Vampire Kingdom by Cameron Pierce

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


With their frozen world depleted of resources and dying, a vampire couple named Franz and Lola attempt to summon the one being who can save them... Cthulhu! But will Cthulhu save their world or destroy it?

Cthulhu Comes to the Vampire Kingdom is a sometimes funny, all times bizarre tale by Cameron Pierce. It seems to be a commentary on the state of our world, with the world's blood supply running out similar to the way oil will one day and the Science Council standing in for the governments that turn a blind eye to environmental issues. But what I really notice is the monsters!

The characters are a mixed bag. Lola's my favorite, and probably Pierce's, even though doesn't get as much screen time as a lot of the others. Burn Girl was interesting but I don't think she had as much time as she should have. The teenage coven were a little annoying. I liked Bruno and Sarah but they could have also used more time devoted to them. I guess I just wish the book was longer.

Cthulhu has seen better days. He's been spending too much time looking at Lolcats on the internet and has visions of the perfect hamburger running through his head as a result. When he finally makes landfall after being summoned, it's almost an orgasmic moment.

In conclusion, Cthulhu Comes to the Vampire Kingdom was a good read, although a tad on the short side. If you like humorous depictions of Cthulhu and vampires, give it a read.

Old Cthulhu had a farm. E-I-E-I-O!



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The Driver's Guide to Hitting Pedestrians

The Driver's Guide to Hitting Pedestrians by Andersen Prunty

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


The Driver's Guide to Hitting Pedestrians is a collection of short stories by Andersen Prunty.

Andersen Prunty is swiftly becoming one of my favorite authors due to his versatility, something that is nicely illustrated in this short story collection. The stories contained within are absurd, hilarious, disturbing, thought-provoking, or a combination thereof.

There are twenty-three short stories in this collection and they're all very different. You get the tale of a driver in a gruesome game where you score points for hitting pedestrians, a man whose teeth leave his gums one day to go see the world, an architect building a skyscraper on his back, and a man who buys his favorite author at a bookstore. And those are just a few of the odd delights contained within.

If you're looking to give Andersen Prunty a shot, this is a good sampling of his work. Plus it will look good on your bookshelf.



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The Crud Masters

The Crud Masters by Justin Grimbol

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


Crud Masters Boogers and Snuggles wind up on a collision course with a rumble with the NOLA kids. But how can they hope to defeat a bunch of rich kids with a Transformer on their side?

Remember the Outsiders? You know, the book by S.E. Hinton or the movie starring C. Thomas Howell? Whatever happened to that kid, anyway? The Crud Masters is like The Outsiders. Only the Greasers are the Crud Masters and the Socs are the NOLA kids. And their are a bunch of giant monsters and transformable robots. And the kids have sex. Yeah, it's not that much like the Outsiders except for the impending rumble, now that I think about it a little more.

The Crud Masters is a book set in a dystopian future where there's an even bigger divide between the rich and the poor. Giant monsters called Dagoons roam the seas. Technology has progressed but only the rich see the benefits.

At its core, The Crud Masters is an underdog story about downtrodden youths taking a stand against the upper class. Only there's a lot of sex, monsters, and robots. Seriously, the main conflict of the book is between a Transformer and a giant sea monster.

Any gripes? Nothing too huge. I wish the book was longer and I caught an above average number of punctuation mistakes. Other than that, I'd let the Crud Masters crash on my couch. It's an easy 3 and I'd like to see what Justin Grimbol could do with a full size novel.



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Zombies and Shit (spoilers)

Zombies and Shit by Carlton Mellick III

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


In a post-apocalyptic future overrun by zombies, twenty people are dropped in the middle of a wasteland, forced to be contestants on the most popular reality show on earth, Zombie Survival! Which will find his or her way to the helicopter and be the only person to leave the Red Zone alive?

Once you read an awesome book by an author, it becomes the measuring stick against which you judge the subsequent books you read by that author. For my money, Warrior Wolf Women of the Wastelands is the measuring stick against which all other Carlton Mellick III books should be measured. Does Zombies and Shit measure up? Sadly, no, and I shall explain.

I've read a few Carlton Mellick III books in 2011 and most of them feature the following elements:
1. punks that are invariably superior to the rest of the characters
2. bizarre sexual fetishes
3. a woman with an unusually large clitoris
4. gore

Zombies and Shit features all of these. To me, it feels like elements of Apeshit and Warrior Wolf Women of the Wastelands were recycled and repacked with Return of the Living Dead style zombies to capitalize on the zombie fad that's currently everywhere. Also, Gogo's zombie fetish felt like it was shoehorned in and made me roll my eyes. It also irked me that the most annoying character in the book was one of the survivors.

At this point, you may notice that I gave it a 3 even though I've spent the review criticizing it so far. Well, I'm not going to lie. It's still a really fun book with the gore and weirdness I've come to expect from Carlton Mellick III. If I hadn't read any other CMIII books, I would have rated this one a lot higher. The inclusion of Mr. T as a zombie-killing machine, the T-2000, made me forget all of my gripes with the book every time he made an appearance.

To sum it up, if you're only going to read one Carlton Mellick III book, I wouldn't have it be this one, but if you're looking to give him a try and you're into zombies, this would be the book for you.



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