Ghost Story (Spoilers Galore)

Ghost Story by Jim Butcher

My rating: 2 of 5 stars


Six months after his death, Harry Dresden returns to Chicago to solve his own murder. Can he keep his friends safe in the process?

I've got a lot to say about this. I'll cover the good points first.

The Good: Having a ghost come back to solve his own murder isn't a new idea but Butcher did a fairly good job with it here. The supporting cast, Molly in particular, developed quite a bit in Harry's absence. The new character of Fitz has potential, as does Mortimer, who I don't particularly remember. The intrigue with the faerie court is always a plus.

The Bad: I just can't stand Harry Dresden any more. He's like that friend you thought was hilarious in the sixth grade but wanted to strangle by the time you got out of high school. He's an unfunny smart ass with a "funny" quip for every situation. Worse yet, 70% of the characters in the series talk just like him. His Star Wars references are getting really tired and he's had no significant character development since the series began.


Another of the things that bothered be, and they are legion, is that Butcher can't seem to commit to anything that might move the series along. Remember that war between the White Council and their unseen enemy? Yeah, whatever happened with that? That subplot hasn't advanced AT ALL in the last two books. Robert Jordan's corpse called. He said you should start wrapping this up while people still care about it.

Remember how the entire Red Court was killed in the last book at Chichen Itza? Not 50 pages into this book, there was speculation that not all of them were killed. WTF, Butcher? How about growing a pair and sticking with your guns for once?

Here's another thing that bugs me. Harry comes back from the dead at the end. He was already the biggest Gary Stu character around before he came back. Now that death apparently can't stop him, why should I give a shit about him anymore?

Did anyone else notice how the women can't seem to get along without Harry Dresden for six months without falling apart but the men do just fine? Just pointing it out.

The resolution to Harry's death? Whatever. It was just there for me and seemed a bit illogical considering he had a daughter to look after.


The Ugly: There comes a time in many relationships to call it quits. Harry Dresden, for us, that day is today. There was a time when the release of a new Harry Dresden book excited me like a pedophile at a pre-teen beauty pageant. I'd snap up the newest book and go after it like Amy Winehouse and a vial of crack. But those days are long gone. I've been going through the motions for the last couple of books and it just isn't working for me anymore. I keep hoping things will get better but they don't. The tediousness continues and I'm ready to move on.



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Apeshit

Apeshit by Carlton Mellick III

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


Six teenagers go to a cabin in the woos for a weekend of sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Little did they know they'd end up with a psychotic monster trying to kill them...

Wow. This was the goriest, craziest, goriest book I've read this year. I realize I said "goriest" twice but this book is so gory I thought one "goriest" wasn't going to cut it. It started out like a typical slasher movie. Three guys, three girls, various sexual entanglements. Then the inbred mutant showed up and things got turned upside down. I devoured it in two sittings. Luckily, not while I was trying to eat.

Seriously, there's enough weird sex and gore in this book to sate anyone's bloodlust. How many books have you read that feature a woman with her intestines hanging out for half the book, a woman with an abortion fetish, and another with teeth in her vagina? And all that's in the first forty or fifty pages! Much weirder things happen later.

The twist at the end was nicely done. I was wondering how everyone was still alive and the ending wrapped things up very neatly.

While it's definitely not for the squeamish, Apeshit is a crazy tribute to slasher flicks and is quite a wild ride. Just don't try to read it while you're eating.



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Dark Tower VI: Song of Susannah

Song of Susannah by Stephen King

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


The 2011 re-read:
Susanna/Mia uses Black Thirteen and flees to New York to have her baby. Roland, Eddie, Jake, and Callahan get the Manni to open the Unfound Door and end up in the wrong places. Can Roland and Eddie convince Calvin Tower to sell them the lot where the Rose grows? Can Jake and Callahan find Susannah before she has her baby?

Song of Susannah was my least favorite book in the Dark Tower series the first time through. Susannah has never been my favorite character in the Dark Tower saga and this book is really Susannah-heavy. On the second read, I had to raise it another star. The Susannah/Mia conflict had its moments and did a lot of setting up for the big shebang coming in the seventh and final book. A lot more background information was revealed.

I'd be lying if I said Susannah was the reason I upped this one a star upon re-reading. The other reason is that Jake and Eddie seem like bonafide Gunslingers in this book, even more than they did in Wolves of the Calla. I have a feeling their fates in The Dark Tower are going to be almost as painful the second time through. The relationship between Eddie and Roland has developed quite a bit since The Drawing of the Three, as has Roland's character. I still love Long, Tall, and Ugly, even though he'd probably leave me along the Path of the Beam the first morning I bitched about not having coffee.

There is something else that I liked a lot more the second time but it's pretty spoilerific. Now that I've had a few years to digest Stephen King writing himself into the story, it doesn't really irk me like it did the first time.

While it's not my favorite of the Dark Tower books, it's still good and it lays a lot of the cards down on the table for the final volume, The Dark Tower. See you all along the Path of the Beam.



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It Came From Below the Belt!

It Came from Below the Belt by Bradley Sands

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


Grover Goldstein is swallowed by a giraffe and winds up in the future. Grover is dragooned into returning to high school and helping The Unnameable become President of Moonsylvania in exchange for access to Nazi time travel technology that will send him back to his own time. I feel like I'm forgetting something.... Oh, Yeah. The Unnameable is Grover Goldstein's future self's severed penis.

It's not very often that I have trouble describing a book I've just finished. Phrases like "Absurdist romp" and "a parade of puns and wordplay" come to mind. "More absurdist humor than four episodes of Monty Python's Flying Circus, including the Dead Parrot Sketch" is another.

It Came from Below the Belt is all about the journey and what a journey it was. Grover Goldstein experiences high school a second time and is only marginally more successful. The story takes a step back in favor of wordplay, outrageous situations, pop culture references, and the craziest humor you'll ever experience. If absurdist humor is your bag, let Bradley Sands be your bagman.

Seriously, how many books have you read featuring a talking penis running for president? No more than four or five, I'd wager. I guarantee this is the best "talking penis running for president" book you'll read this month.

That's about all I have to say. Crazy stuff, talking penis for president, it's out of print but worth selling your kidney for, etc.



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The Griff

The Griff: A Graphic Novel by Christopher Moore

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


Aliens resembling griffons attack the earth and decimate much of the population. Two groups of people struggle to survive. But why have the Griff come to earth anyway?

The Griff is a graphic novel based on a movie script Christopher Moore worked on with Ian Corson in order to get out of working on one of his other novels. True story. Says so in the introduction. The story is your standard Hollywood apocalyptic disaster movie, only with griffons flying around attacking people.

The two groups of survivors are a mixed bag. You've got Curt, the wannabe soldier, Steve, the skateboard riding slacker, and Mo, video game designer and hot punk chick in one group and Liz, the animal trainer from Ocean World and Oscar, fur-suited theme park worker in the other. Just by the male-female composition of the groups and the fact that this was written to be a movie in mind, you know there's going to be some sexual tension and/or two people hooking up. Crap, I'm getting venomous before I mean to.

Before I vent a bit on reasons why I couldn't rate this higher than I did, I'd like to mention that the art was good and I liked the revelation behind the origins of the Griffs and I also liked a certain bit with Liz at the end that I won't mention because I don't want to spoil it.

And now, here's what I didn't like about it. I love Christopher Moore's novels. Since this was based on a movie script, the only thing that's obviously Moore-written is the dialogue. The problem is that everyone talks almost exactly the same way. 90% of the dialogue is completely interchangeable between characters. It feels like a cliche summer blockbuster in almost every way possible, including the ending.

While it's not a bad graphic novel, don't expect the usual Christopher Moore awesomeness. Picture Independence Day or a similar summer blockbuster, substitute griffins for aliens, throw in Christopher Moore dialogue until it annoys the crap out of you, and you'll have The Griff.



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Zerostrata

Zerostrata by Andersen Prunty

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


Depressed 20-something Hansel Nothing returns to his mother's house to recapture the zest for life he had in his childhood. It's just as he remembered it. His dad has run away to become a superhero, his brother hasn't left the house in two years, and his mother is addicted to prescription drugs. While sitting in his tree house, Zerostrata, he notices a naked girl running through the woods and immediately knows his life is going to get better...

I didn't really know what to expect from Zerostrata but it exceeded my expectations by parsecs. It's part modern day fairy tale, part Royal Tenenbaums. Hansel's family are sure an interesting bunch, from his brother wanting to be their father's superhero sidekick to his mother having a friend stay with her, to the crazy therapist Dr. Blast. It very much has the feel of a Tim Burton movie.

Hansel himself is the most interesting character, a character who can't remember much of his past, unsure of his pace in the world, and longs for a return to childhood. I sure didn't expect to identify with a character in a bizarro novel but here we are. When he meets the naked running girl, Gretel Something, you know things are going to turn out okay.

Zerostrata is short and sweet and would make a good first Bizarro for someone. It's not intimidating and no one gets sodomized with anything. Easy five stars.



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Ask the Parrot

Ask the Parrot by Richard Stark

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


When Parker was on the run from police dogs and chanced upon a rabbit hunter who unexpectedly aided him, he should have known the rabbit hunter had motives of his own. Now Parker's teaming with him to rob a racetrack. Can Parker get away with the robbery while a manhunt is going on for him?

Ask the Parrot was one of the better books of the new era Parker. Parker is his ruthless self, evident in the way he handles most of the supporting cast. Unlike some of the more recent Parker books, Parker doesn't seem soft in this one. The way he handles Thiemann after Thiemann accidentally kills a bum is vintage Parker, cold and calculating. The robbery was pretty simple but the petty crimes Parker pulled along the way were pretty good. Parker showed he was as ballsy as ever, participating in his own manhunt.

Ask the Parrot also shares many of the flaws that have marred the more recent Parker books. For one thing, the style is long winded compared to the earlier ones and the story feels padded. For another thing, there's a chapter from the damn parrot's point of view! WTF, Stark? That's okay for a Dortmunder book but not for Parker.

The gripe list was shorter than usual for a post-Butcher's Moon Parker. Good, not great, the earlier ones are better, etc. I'm a little sad that I only have one Parker book left to read after this one.



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