Bad Girls Need Love Too

Bad Girls Need Love Too: Pleasure Yourself with Pulp Fiction by Gary Lovisi

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


Bad Girls Need Love Too is a collection of covers of smut paperbacks from the 1960s. What more of a description do you need than that?

This book is almost 200 pages and I'd say maybe 20 have text on them. What little text that can be found are cheesy/smutty excepts from the novels. The rest are covers depicting women in varying states of undress. I could talk about the use of light and shadows or chiarascuro (which I know I did not spell right) but you know what you're getting into if you pick this book up. Fortunately, some great artists got their start illustrating smut paperbacks. There are some by Robert McGinnis and Robert Macguire, for example.

If you're into lurid pulp art, this is the book for you. I would like to read the following books based on the covers and/or titles. If you can find the images online, you'll immediately understand why:
Hotrod Sinners
Invasion of the Nymphomaniacs
Vagabond Virgin
He Kissed Her There
Satan was my Pimp
Sexy Psycho
Lingerie Ltd.
Satana
Satan's Harvest
Love Now, Pay Later
Hell's Harlot
Atomic Blonde
Satan's Daughters
Animal Broad
Women in Prison
Swingers in Danger
The Platinum Trap

Bad Girls Need Love Too is fun for the whole family, provided the whole family is into cover paintings from 60's smut novels. For more information, consult Bad Girls Need Love Too: the website.



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The Last Good Man

The Last Good Man by A.J. Kazinski

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


According to the Talmud, thirty-six righteous people exist on earth and if they all die, so does humanity. Now, people are dying all over the world with strange marks on their backs and it's up to a Danish policeman named Niels Bentzon to find out why. There have been thirty-four deaths already. Can Niels save the last two good men and save the world?

First off, I received this ARC from Scribner in exchange for reviewing it. This did not influence my opinion in the least. To be honest, The Last Good Man didn't have a whole lot going for it when I read the back cover blurb comparing it to The DaVinci Code and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, a book I'll never read and one I'm skeptical of because of all the hype. Still, free is free, and I begrudgingly gave it a read. Despite my initial misgivings, I wound up liking The Last Good Man quite a bit.

The main characters are an interesting bunch. Niels Bentzon, the protagonist, is a hostage negotiator who's manic depressive, can't bring himself to shoot anyone, and is manic depressive. He's a far cry from the macho hero I was dreading in this outing. The female lead, Hannah Lund, is also atypical. She's a divorced astrophysicist with a dead son and difficulty relating to anyone who isn't a genius. Interested yet?

Here's something else to pique your curiosity. This book has so many twists that it could be called The Last Good Man and his One Hundred Red Herrings. Some of the twists are predictable, many are not. One thing that I loved was that Kazinski avoided a lot of the thriller cliches that I hate.

For a thriller, it's surprisingly deep. The nature of good and evil are explored, as well as the existence of God. I liked that the plot was rooted in Jewish texts. The way Hannah figured out how to predict where the final two victims would be was pretty cool. Also, loved the ending. Not what I expected at all when I first picked up the book.

That's about all I can say without blowing any surprises. The Last Good Man is a good thriller and good entertainment for a rainy evening.





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Seven Seagulls for a Single Nipple

Seven Seagulls for a Single Nipple by Troy Chambers

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


A nipple named Wilmorn falls in love with a woman and bargains with the Seagull gods for a chance to win her. Only she's a nun. And a lesbian. And he has to kill her true love to win a soul so he can have a life with her. Man, things are rough for nipples these days...

First off, this is the weirdest book in the 2011-2012 New Bizarro Author Series so far. It's also the best story featuring a talking nipple I've ever read.

This is one of those books I can hardly think of a way to describe beyond the summary. Like I mentioned, Wilmorn is a talking nipple that makes a pact with the Seagull Gods. His naivete is actually a little charming and nicely balanced by Stalin, the baby-faced lobster demon who was a serial rapist in a previous life. Yes, you read that right. No, I did not make that up.

It takes quite a bit for a book to make me shake my head in disbelief but I caught myself doing just that several times during this books slim 60 pages. Most of those were because of Stalin's actions. The ending was a bit of surprise.

Troy Chambers is a madman and I'll give him another shot sometime down the road. That's all I have. I don't really know what else I can say about this.



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Trashland A Go-Go

Trashland A Go-Go by Constance Ann Fitzgerald

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


After a pole dance goes horribly wrong, Coco Darling is tossed into the garbage and wakes up in a land of garbage. Can she find her way home without running afoul of Queen?

Yeah, I may have unearthed the gem of the 2011-2012 New Bizarro Author series.

If the Wizard of Oz starred a stripper and took place in a land of garbage, it would be very much like Trashland A Go-Go. Coco is a strong leading lady, not waiting for some guy to come along and save her. She's also tough as hell. Could you dig your way out of a room that has walls made of dirty diapers? Yeah, me either.

Coco's journey is full of funny moments as well as disgusting ones. Imagine a woman walking across a trash-filled landscape wearing an ugly bridesmaid dress and interacting with her talking fly sidekick. The villains are vile, the trash world is utilized to its full potential, and there are parts of the book that will make you want to laugh or puke, or both at the same time. That's pretty much all I can say without giving away too much.

Trashland A Go-Go is one of those first books that you're astonished is someone's first book. The writing is polished, the pace is great, and there aren't any missteps. It's also pretty accessible for a Bizarro book. If you're looking to give the Bizarro genre a shot, you can do a hell of a lot worse than Trashland A Go-Go.








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Cthulhu Comes to the Vampire Kingdom

Cthulhu Comes to the Vampire Kingdom by Cameron Pierce

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


With their frozen world depleted of resources and dying, a vampire couple named Franz and Lola attempt to summon the one being who can save them... Cthulhu! But will Cthulhu save their world or destroy it?

Cthulhu Comes to the Vampire Kingdom is a sometimes funny, all times bizarre tale by Cameron Pierce. It seems to be a commentary on the state of our world, with the world's blood supply running out similar to the way oil will one day and the Science Council standing in for the governments that turn a blind eye to environmental issues. But what I really notice is the monsters!

The characters are a mixed bag. Lola's my favorite, and probably Pierce's, even though doesn't get as much screen time as a lot of the others. Burn Girl was interesting but I don't think she had as much time as she should have. The teenage coven were a little annoying. I liked Bruno and Sarah but they could have also used more time devoted to them. I guess I just wish the book was longer.

Cthulhu has seen better days. He's been spending too much time looking at Lolcats on the internet and has visions of the perfect hamburger running through his head as a result. When he finally makes landfall after being summoned, it's almost an orgasmic moment.

In conclusion, Cthulhu Comes to the Vampire Kingdom was a good read, although a tad on the short side. If you like humorous depictions of Cthulhu and vampires, give it a read.

Old Cthulhu had a farm. E-I-E-I-O!



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The Driver's Guide to Hitting Pedestrians

The Driver's Guide to Hitting Pedestrians by Andersen Prunty

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


The Driver's Guide to Hitting Pedestrians is a collection of short stories by Andersen Prunty.

Andersen Prunty is swiftly becoming one of my favorite authors due to his versatility, something that is nicely illustrated in this short story collection. The stories contained within are absurd, hilarious, disturbing, thought-provoking, or a combination thereof.

There are twenty-three short stories in this collection and they're all very different. You get the tale of a driver in a gruesome game where you score points for hitting pedestrians, a man whose teeth leave his gums one day to go see the world, an architect building a skyscraper on his back, and a man who buys his favorite author at a bookstore. And those are just a few of the odd delights contained within.

If you're looking to give Andersen Prunty a shot, this is a good sampling of his work. Plus it will look good on your bookshelf.



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The Crud Masters

The Crud Masters by Justin Grimbol

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


Crud Masters Boogers and Snuggles wind up on a collision course with a rumble with the NOLA kids. But how can they hope to defeat a bunch of rich kids with a Transformer on their side?

Remember the Outsiders? You know, the book by S.E. Hinton or the movie starring C. Thomas Howell? Whatever happened to that kid, anyway? The Crud Masters is like The Outsiders. Only the Greasers are the Crud Masters and the Socs are the NOLA kids. And their are a bunch of giant monsters and transformable robots. And the kids have sex. Yeah, it's not that much like the Outsiders except for the impending rumble, now that I think about it a little more.

The Crud Masters is a book set in a dystopian future where there's an even bigger divide between the rich and the poor. Giant monsters called Dagoons roam the seas. Technology has progressed but only the rich see the benefits.

At its core, The Crud Masters is an underdog story about downtrodden youths taking a stand against the upper class. Only there's a lot of sex, monsters, and robots. Seriously, the main conflict of the book is between a Transformer and a giant sea monster.

Any gripes? Nothing too huge. I wish the book was longer and I caught an above average number of punctuation mistakes. Other than that, I'd let the Crud Masters crash on my couch. It's an easy 3 and I'd like to see what Justin Grimbol could do with a full size novel.



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