Saturday, May 17, 2014

Journey to the Abortosphere

Journey to AbortosphereJourney to Abortosphere by Kirk Jones
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

While in mourning for his first love, an ivory shoe horn named Katherine, an unemployed loser named Ed buys a bizarre machine at an auction, a machine that has a very humanlike anus built into the side and may hold the key to all reality. And after that, things get a little strange...

I've read a ton of bizarro books over the years. Some proved to be fairly ordinary stories with a few weird elements welded on to them. Others were pretty strange. This one takes the taco.

Journey to the Abortosphere has its roots in the fabled Philadelphia Experiment, an alleged military operation in invisiblity from radar that went horribly wrong, seeing men partially materializing inside the bulkheads of the ship and/or lost somewhere in space-time. Kirk Jones asks "What happened to the anuses?" or something to that effect. The tale is peppered with time jumps, parallel realities, government agents who may or may not be obsessed with waffles, and buttholes.

I feel I should mention early on that the Abortosphere has nothing to do with abortion. It's God's first attempt at heaven, abandoned and used as a dumping ground.

The story is pretty crazy. Ed finds himself teleporting back and forth to the U.S.S. Eldridge in 1938 and 1983, as well as to his parent's house and to hospital. Once the Eldridge was wandering space-time, pursued by a twelve ton cast-iron fetus bristling with alien weaponry, the story's true depths unfolded. Also, there was some talk of a creation myth starring some Transformers.

There were some big ideas being thrown around but it was mostly a story about inanimate objects with human anuses and the end of space-time as we know it. Three out of five stars.

For more information on the Philadelphia Experiment:

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