Bradley Sands will Fucking Kill You!

Today, I'll be questioning Bradley Sands, author of Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You, which, coincidentally, is available for free download until the end of the month.

How did you get involved in the Bizarro movement?

A few years before the term was coined, I stumbled across a couple of books by Carlton Mellick and one by Kevin Donihe on Amazon. They seemed interesting. I bought the e-book versions because they were cheaper than print (this was long before the existence of Kindle so I read them on my computer). I liked the books and noticed they were all published by Eraserhead Press. I went to their website and read online excerpts from all of their other books. I also read a few stories here and there on The New Absurdist website. A few of those authors were published by Eraserhead Press.

Soon after, I was looking through the zine section in Salt Lake City’s library and a man convinced me to buy the first issue of his zine. It was called Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens. The majority of the issue’s contributors were either Eraserhead Press authors or writers who posted on The New Absurdist. A few weeks later, the man asked me if I wanted to take over as his zine’s editor. I accepted, and through it I met a lot of people online who would later be involved in the bizarro movement.

About a year later, I had finished a novel called It Came from Below the Belt and was ready to submit it. I thought Eraserhead Press would have been an appropriate place, but they weren’t accepting submissions at the time. But I noticed that a new press called Afterbirth Books had recently published one of Carlton’s books (The Menstruating Mall). So I submitted by book. It was accepted and published. Unfortunately, Afterbirth Books closed last year and the book went out-of-print.

What was the inspiration behind Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You?
The first chapter of the book was originally a short story. It was an action hero scenario inspired by the movie, Passenger 57. For a workshop during BizarroCon (a convention for readers and writers of bizarro), I participated in a workshop where we had to create a conceptual book. I used the short story to come up with the book’s concept, which ended up being similar to my final concept. I have no idea how I thought of the concept of an action film star suffering a nervous breakdown and believing he’s the character that he portrays in his movies. Also, the book’s plot structure was based on the movie, Falling Down. Kind of like how Ulysses is based on The Odyssey. The movie, Road House, was also a huge influence.

Which celebrity would you like to karate chop in the vagina the most ala Rico Slade?
Will Ferrell. Unless director/writer Adam McKay is within a 500 yard radius. His presence makes Will Ferrell godlike.

Was there a book that made you realize you wanted to be a writer?
I don’t remember what it was called, but it was about a cooking contest. It was awesome. I think the winner conquered his enemies by eating them.

Who are some of your influences?
Carlton Mellick (because he worked with me as a mentor while I was writing the novella, Cheesequake Smash-up, which appeared in the second/blue version of The Bizarro Starter Kit), Tao Lin (because he is a virus), Russell Edson, Raymond Chandler, Richard Brautigan, Ron Loewinsohn (although I have only read one book of his: Magnetic Field(s)), The Zucker Brothers (except not so much when it comes to the movies, Ghost and First Knight), Roald Dahl, L. Frank Baum, Lemony Snicket.

I just finished writing a children’s book (although it still needs more editing), hence the children’s authors.

What's your favorite book?
It Came from Below the Belt

But if you want me to be less specific: Steve Aylett’s The Complete Accomplice, Raymond Chandler’s The Long Goodbye, Thomas Ligotti’s The Nightmare Factory, Russell Edson’s The Tunnel, Ron Loewinsohn’s Magnetic Field(s), Mark Leyner’s The Tetherballs of Bougainville, Daniel Pinkwater’s Lizard Music, Richard Brautigan’s In Watermelon Sugar.

Who's your favorite author?
Me.

But if you want me to be less specific, all of the authors who I mentioned in your last question, along with Steve Erickson and Stephen Dixon and every female author who has ever written a book.

What's the story behind the Bradley Sands is a Dick anthology?
I was talking to Andersen Prunty at the World Horror Convention in Salt Lake City a bunch of years ago. I think maybe I was drunk or he was drunk or we were both drunk. But I made a comment about how probably everyone in the room had submitted stories to Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens and I had rejected all of them. And he said I was a dick. And then one of us said that we should edit an online anthology called Bradley Sands is a Dick. Then one of us said that every story in the anthology should be titled “Bradley Sands is a Dick.” At least something like that happened. Then we put out a call for submissions and received significantly more stories a stupid idea like that deserved. And Andersen did some sort of contest where people voted for their favorite story in the anthology and the winner received $100. So after the anthology came out, the future winner of the contest voted for himself hundreds of times by clearing his “cookies” over and over again or something and received Andersen’s hard-earned money because of it. It’s weird referring to him as Andersen. Ordinarily, I never do. He’s “Andy.” But I thought people might get confused.

What's the best book you've read in the last six months?
Daniel Pinkwater’s Lizard Music

Which of the following Arnold movies is your favorite: Hercules in New York, the Last Action Hero, or Junior?
I haven’t seen Hercules in New York, although I prefer its alternate title, Hercules Goes Bananas! There’s not actually supposed to be an exclamation mark at the end of the title, but I believe it’s necessary. So anyway, Hercules is out of the running. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen Junior, but I can’t remember it at all (I believe it was a traumatic experience that induced memory loss). And I love The Last Action Hero, so definitely that one. It might be my favorite Schwarzenegger movie overall. Either that or Jingle All the Way.

If the 2010-2011 New Bizarro Authors got into a seven-way gunfight, who would come out on top?
Nicole Cushing, but only if she wears her bionic cow costume. It’s seriously so creepy that anyone holding a gun in its presence will shoot themselves in the face.

Any words of wisdom for aspiring writers?
I’ve been asked the same question in my last two interviews and I gave the same sensible response. And I’m tired of being sensible. So my advice for aspiring writers is that they shouldn’t read any books. Reading books will cause your writing to be completely unoriginal. You will never find your unique “voice.” If you’re a reader, the best thing you can hope for is to be a second rate copycat of all the authors you read. So instead of reading, I suggest you play video games, become a backyard wrestler, and join a fantasy football league.

What's next for Bradley Sands?
A novella collection called Please Do Not Shoot Me in the Face: A Novel. It won’t actually be a novel, but collections don’t sell very well and traditional NYC presses often market story collections as novels because they’re aware of this fact. So I might as well take advantage of this manipulative practice instead of leaving it to the big dogs.